March 3rd, 2012 
What kind of a consumer would voluntarily ingest a hot sauce so dangerous they must first sign a disclaimer/waiver acknowledging “serious injury can be caused if applied to skin, eyes or and exposed body parts,” and waiving their legal rights in the event of injury, while also certifying they are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time of signing? (Click on thumbnail to expand.)
Answer: The only answers coming readily to mind are an unreasonable consumer or one with an asbestos-lined stomach. If this product–a hot sauce manufactured by a burrito company and called, among other names, Smack My Ass and Call Me Sally–is dangerous
Read more…
February 20th, 2012 
Thanks to French artist, Cassou, for introducing herself to Lawhaha.com and sending along a sample of one of her paintings.
She said the world of justice inspired her to “create a judicial series of humorous paintings with tender irony” that she exhibits in courthouses throughout Europe, including, recently, in Antwerp, Bruges, Ghent, Breda, Middelburg, and Maastricht. This year her work will be displayed at courthouses of The Hague and in Amsterdam.
The pictured painting is called “le juge, un singe?” (the judge, a monkey?). She explains it this way: “The ape has the reputation of being a caricature of human being, a buffoon. The painting expresses the fear
Read more…
February 18th, 2012 
Congratulations to the new parents. The Court so orders.
In a Kansas federal district court, the defendants’ lawyer asked for a trial continuance because it conflicted with the date on which his wife was having a baby.
The plaintiffs’ lawyers opposed the continuance, which “surprised” the judge. “Irritated” is probably more accurate. Judge Eric Melgren not only granted the motion for continuance, but chastised the objecting lawyers while ordering that the new parents be congratulated:
Defendants seek a brief continuance, noting that one of their counsel …, along with his wife, is expecting their first child due on July 3. Given the proposed length of
Read more…
February 18th, 2012 A first-year University of Memphis law student sent along this picture from the parking garage where most students park. The picture came as a follow-up to our class discussion in Torts II of the use of exculpatory clauses by, among others, parking garages.
Exculpatory clauses–which invariably appear on the back of tickets customers receive when they enter a parking garage–operate to relieve negligent actors of liability. Exculpatory clauses generally will be upheld if clearly written, so long as they do not pertain to an essential public service, such as medical care or education. Courts are split on whether parking garages qualify as essential public service within this rule.
Here
Read more…
February 11th, 2012 –Law School Story from Tony Arseneault, Université Laval’s Faculty of Law (Quebec, Canada), Date of event: 2011
In 2011, I was at my first session at Université Laval’s Faculty of Law, when I had the pleasure to meet the teacher that changed my perception of constitutional law forever: Patrick Taillon.
I come from the province of Quebec, Canada. As you may or may not know, Quebec is a civil law (French law) province when it comes to private law, and common law (English law) when it comes to public law. Essentially, all subjects like Contracts, Civil Liability or Property Law are in the realm of civil law, with everything that
Read more…
February 10th, 2012 What is it about Texas federal district court judges named “Sam” that makes them so ornery? First, we had the notorious U.S. District Judge Samuel Kent from San Antonio (see here, here, here, and here). Now U.S. District Judge Samuel Sparks from Austin (see here and here) comes along to fill the void.
Regrettably, while most law schools do a good job screening and training students,
Read more…
February 7th, 2012 
A former student sent along the complaint below, which a friend of his suggested might be “the new Palsgraf for our generation.” Hmm, this might not be a good generational sign given the allegations.
For non-legals, Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad is a famous tort law case all law students read involving a bizarre accident at a train station, where the court ruled that a tort defendant owes a legal duty to act with reasonable care to another only if the other is a reasonably foreseeable victim of the defendant’s conduct. More Lawhaha.com posts involving Palsgraf are here, here, Read more…
February 1st, 2012 
The “Companion Text” to Law School: Understanding and Surviving Life with a Law Student (West 2012)
Amazon.com listing
Table of Contents
As every lawyer and law student knows, law school is an adventure for the entire family. It’s a life-changing experience that affects everyone involved.
Dozens of books have been written to prepare students for law school, but what about all those other suffering souls–the relatives and friends who support and struggle right alongside the student on their wild and crazy journey toward a Juris Doctor degree? Who’s preparing them?
Named one of Amazon Editors’ Favorite Books of 2014.
Read interview with McClurg
Read more…
January 27th, 2012 
Taking a walk near my house in Memphis, I encountered this dangerous sidewalk condition.
Note that instead of filling in the chasm, the city apparently opted to leave it be and cure the problem instead by spray-painting a thin orange warning line around it.
Since the condition has been there for a quite a while (the orange paint is very faded), it appears this was considered to be an acceptable final fix.
January 26th, 2012 
Okay, not quite the stairway to heaven, but this long ladder could give the user a good head start. (All pics are expandable.) This picture from a University of Memphis law student makes me shudder.
Ladders are one of the most dangerous consumer products. A study published by the U.S. National Institutes of Health estimated that 2.2 million people received treatment in emergency rooms for ladder injuries during the 16-year-period from 1990-2005, an average of 136,000 cases a year.
Nearly 10% of injuries resulted in hospitalization, roughly twice that of consumer product-related injuries overall.
Other ladder injury data from the study included:
Men predominated over women in the
Read more…
January 25th, 2012 –Law School Story from Thomas Walk, Wake Forest University School of Law, Date of event: fall 1979
Our Corporations professor had the annoying habit of ending a lot of his sentences with the phrase “All that jazz.”
Midway through the semester, my classmate who sat immediately to the left came to class with a notepad she bought at the mall. It had musical notes floating around the pages and the “All That Jazz” phrase. She wandered to the front of the classroom before the prof arrived and put the pad on his rostrum.
The professor walked in, examined the pad with a confused look, and laid it to one side.
Read more…
January 14th, 2012 This article from Time Newsfeed about how some governments make certain baby names illegal is reminiscent of one of our Hall of Fame Strange Judicial Opinions: “Hello, My Name Is … Oh, Never Mind.”
Meanwhile, the article warns that the following baby names have been declared illegal in New Zealand:
“Yeah Detroit”
Twins named “89”
“Sex Fruit”
Good news though! New Zealand will still allow boys to be named “Number 16 Bus Shelter.”
January 13th, 2012 
Professor and editor of the Torts Prof blog, Bill Childs, posted this picture of a warning sign at the new Harry Potter attraction at the Islands of Adventures theme park in Orlando. He noted that he particularly enjoyed that even the warnings are themed, as this one comes from the “Department of Magical Transportation.”
See my ABA Journal column on Hogwarts Torts, suggesting that no student in the history of education has been subjected to as many torts as poor Harry Potter.
January 11th, 2012 It’s almost impossible to imagine a case that sounds more boring than “In re: Chinese-Manufactured Drywall Products Liability Litigation.” In this multidistrict potboiler, the judge stayed an insurance coverage action, apparently hoping to facilitate a global settlement.
Unfortunately, nothing was moving forward, prompting the Trust to ask the court to lift the stay to get things moving. Counsel didn’t take any chances that the court might miss her point, punching up her memorandum in support of the motion to lift the stay with a dramatic journalistic touch:
Since this Court stayed the insurance coverage action ten months ago last March, no global mediation of the insurance coverage action
Read more…
January 7th, 2012 A judicial friend from Florida sent along a case of first impression involving a parental rights determination between a birth mother and a biological mother that she calls “a law professor’s dream case.” It does sound a bit like a law school exam question—a very difficult one.
The case involved two women in a committed relationship who wanted to have a child. Ova from one of the women were removed, fertilized by donated sperm, and implanted in the other woman, who then gave birth to the child. Thus, one woman was the biological mother and one was the birth mother, an unusual situation to be sure.
Only the birth mother’s
Read more…
December 30th, 2011 
A University of Memphis law student snapped this shot of someone trying to move way too many wood palletes in the back of a pickup truck, apparently unsecured.
December 29th, 2011 
Expert's testimony had more holes in it than this guy.
In December 2011, the U.S. Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals, per Judge Richard Posner, reversed a jury verdict in favor of an airline against Fed Ex for $65,998,411, the precise amount the airline had requested in damages.
One issue was the admissibility of complex testimony regarding the damages calculations by the airline’s expert witness, a forensic accountant named Morriss. Posner was not impressed by the expert’s regression analysis testimony:
Morriss’s regression had as many bloody wounds as Julius Caesar when he was stabbed 23 times by the Roman Senators led by Brutus. We have gone
Read more…
December 25th, 2011 
“Let’s see, where should we build the dangerous fireworks retail outlet?”
“How about right here next to these dangerous gasoline pumps?”
“Perfect!”
University of Memphis law student Ella Hernandez caught this funny juxtaposition on a Florida vacation. (Click on the pic to expand and fully appreciate.)
This picture has the makings of a classic Torts exam question. Just throw in some lightning and a school bus careening out of control.
December 25th, 2011 
Taken in downtown Memphis, with the Pyramid building in the background.
I guess one of those little yellow flags at the end might help (and may required by law), but that ladder still looks too long to be taking a ride in such a short truck.
Wonder what’s holding it down inside the truck. Whatever it is, leverage is working against it.
December 23rd, 2011 Nathan Koppel of the Wall Street Journal wrote an interesting front-page article about judges who use humor in their opinions, quoting McClurg and citing to Lawhaha.com.
Koppel explored the ongoing debate of whether and to what extent judges should use their written products as avenues for amusement.
What do you think?
Meanwhile, in the article, U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Alex Kozinski, a Lawhaha.com Hall of Famer, opined that Canadian judges are too boring and staid. Koppel quoted Kozinski saying: “I like my Canadian colleagues, but, boy, when it comes to reading their opinions, it’s like wading through molasses.”
But that’s not always true. Koppel cited one
Read more…
December 21st, 2011 
Two of the most popular Harmless Error columns, Santa Suit (Children of the world sue Santa Claus) and Santa Strikes Back (Santa files his own suit), are featured here for your holiday pleasure.
Caroline Kennedy selected Santa Suit for inclusion in her anthology, A Family Christmas, where it appears alongside works by the likes of Mark Twain, Robert Frost, and Shakespeare.
December 20th, 2011 
In 2010, the University of Memphis law school changed locations, moving from the main university campus to the magnificent, beautifully restored ($42 million worth) U.S. Customs House downtown on the Mississippi River.
The building is incredible, but as with any new gigantic construction project, quite a few punch-list items remained. Immediately, students started spotting and reporting dangerous premises conditions, which were forwarded to the administration.
This particular condition comprised significant drop-offs without barriers on both sides of the main entry doors.
The administration must have agreed it was dangerous because the concrete planters were in place within two days.
Good fix! The drop-offs were not easily visible
Read more…
December 20th, 2011 From Tom Walk, Wake Forest University College of Law, Date of event: circa 1980
One of my classmates was in a Marine Corps program and kept his hair in a buzz-cut. One day our Trusts professor called on him to recite a case. After about 30 seconds it was clear that the student had not read the case.
The prof stopped him and said “You are not prepared today, are you”? He responded “I’m sorry, Professor. I washed my hair last night and had to blow it dry.” The sheer ludicrousness of the answer left the professor just shaking his head as the rest of us rolled in the floor
Read more…
December 19th, 2011 
Spot the Tort isn’t just for lawyers and law students. A layperson was shocked (not literally, fortunately) to find this high-voltage electrical danger smack in the middle of an Atlanta grocery store.
Note to store: Your hidden warning on the back will not protect you from tort liability with regard to your “business invitee” customers. A business invitor has a duty to make the premises reasonably safe for invitees. Sometimes a warning may suffice, but only it if allows customers to negotiate the premises safely.
A lot of negligence questions are murky with no reliable answers, but I feel comfortable predicting that a judge or jury would consider placing
Read more…
December 17th, 2011 
Glittery makeup is good stuff, for Halloween, your next glam band, or just for fun. And you can see how much fun this woman on the packaging is having with it. Go ahead and click on the image to expand it, so you can get the full realization of what an awesome opportunity this stuff presents to have a good time.
But wait, what’s that warning in small print on the back of the packaging?
Do not place glitter near the eye area.
Read more…
December 16th, 2011 
Friend your trial judge on Facebook.
Facebook is creating a quickly growing pile of novel legal issues in a variety of areas. Here’s one of the first to reach a state supreme court: Does a witness’ wishing a trial judge happy birthday on the judge’s Facebook page violate the rules on ex parte communications?
The plaintiff in Onnen v. Sioux Falls Independent School District # 49-5 worked as the registrar for Southeast Technical Institute in Sioux Falls—an entity of the Sioux Falls School District. Plaintiff was terminated from employment in August 2007 due to improprieties relating to the registrar’s duty to verify a student’s compliance with
Read more…
December 16th, 2011 
The subject—heart attacks—is not funny, but U.S. Patent No. 6,457,474, issued October 1, 2002, and described as a method of alleviating chest pain, especially from angina pectoris, is amusing or at least interesting. What’s the amazing heart-attack fighting invention? Drinking lime juice.
But, wait, maybe I’m not being fair. Maybe I’m oversimplifying it. Let’s check out the official patent abstract and see:
A method of alleviating chest pain that stems from the heart, which method comprises: (a) noticing a pain in the chest; and shortly thereafter (b) taking an effective amount of lime juice into the body to alleviate the chest pain.
Nope. Guess not. It really
Read more…
December 15th, 2011 
Rats, agitated about their shrinking legal rights after judge rules that squirrels are better than them.
In a 1954 Georgia case, an insured sued his insurance company for property damage caused by a squirrel. The insurance company denied coverage under an exclusion for “vermin.” The issue was whether squirrels are vermin or some higher grade species. The court ruled for the plaintiff, stating (some paragraph breaks inserted):
The brief of counsel for the defendant in error (which, incidentally; includes an excellent recipe for squirrel stew) concludes with the following words, with which this court is inclined to agree:
“‘Vermin’ is a mighty harsh
Read more…
December 10th, 2011 
In Pacific Grove, California, under a city ordinance, tourist monarch butterflies have a right to “peaceful occupancy” during their annual convention there. Even if the butterflies are swarming one’s home, interfering with its occupancy and use, they can only be removed to another location on application to the police. Here’s the ordinance:
Read more…
December 10th, 2011 U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks down in Austin, TX, peeved by the conduct of the lawyers in a pending case, chastised them for being “unable to practice law at the level of a first year law student” and ordering them to attend a kindergarten party at the courthouse. Here are the pertinent parts of his order:
You are invited to a kindergarten party … in Courtroom 2 of the United States Courthouse, … Austin, Texas.
The party will feature many exciting and informative lessons, including:
• How to telephone and communicate with a lawyer
• How to enter into reasonable agreements about
Read more…
December 4th, 2011 –From David Barman, Florida International University College of Law, Date of event: circa 2005
My son saw my first-year law school casebooks and picked up my Torts book. His first comment was: “Twelve hundred pages. That’s more than Harry Potter!”
Then he asked me, “What is Torts?” He’s a bright boy, but he is only nine. I asked him: “If you park your bike on the sidewalk, and a man hits your bike with a car, who did something wrong?” He said the man with the car. I asked why. My son answered “Because I’m allowed to put my bike on the sidewalk, but he isn’t allowed to drive on
Read more…
December 4th, 2011 
Goldfish have rights, so quit flushing them down toilets.
In People v. Garcia, the defendant appealed his conviction on multiple charges arising from a domestic assault episode that included stomping on some poor kids’ pet goldfish.
Judge James Catterson’s opinion explored the intriguing legal question of whether goldfish qualify as “animal companions” under statutes imposing enhanced felony penalties for abusing such companions.
The opinion started with an interesting history of animal domestication:
The earliest known domestic animal appears to be the dog, a companion to mankind as early as 15,000 B.C. Goats, sheep, pigs and cows followed in domestication in the next ten thousand years.
Read more…
December 4th, 2011 
Longtime Lawhaha.com supporter Lihwei Lin sent this picture of a sticker inside a taxicab operating in the Pacific Rim.
Customers in these cabs must have been especially happy to reach their destinations. How could they not be? On entering the vehicle they are warned (italics added):
SAFETY-FIRST Please put on your seatbelt prepare for accident.
December 4th, 2011 
Out and about? Thirsty? Stop. Find a convenience store or a restaurant or even a liquor store. But don’t stoop (har har) to drinking out of the toilet. In case you forget, just read the warning sticker:
RECYCLED FLUSH WATER
UNSAFE FOR DRINKING
December 4th, 2011 
This warning makes sense because a plug-in night-light is, after all an electrical device that could be dangerous. But it still sounds funny to have a warning on a Mickey Mouse product that says:
CAUTION: THIS IS NOT A TOY and is not intended for use by children.
December 4th, 2011 
Here’s a great product to grow aragonite crystals just by adding white distilled vinegar. It’s hard to imagine a consumer product with greater social utility.
The packaging contains a seemingly silly warning that:
WARNING: Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth!
Maybe the rocks resemble candy, in which case it wouldn’t be such a silly warning. On the other hand, anyone who would mistake the rocks for candy probably wouldn’t be old enough to read the warning.
December 4th, 2011 
… or any other part of the body they do not cover.
Okay, there are unusual warnings and just plain stupid ones:
Shin pads can not protect any part of the body they do not cover.
December 4th, 2011 
Old-school, uninventive sandwich.
U.S. Patent No. 6,599,545, issued July 29, 2003, is for the new and exciting invention of “Method for making a sandwich.”
To be patentable, an invention must be new, useful and nonobvious. Does this one qualify?
Because it’s such a technical subject, let’s first explore the “The Background Art” of the invention as described in the patent:
Sandwiches typically comprise two slices of bread, and a combination of sandwich fixings disposed between the bread slices.
That’s food for deep thought. Har har. Now that we understand the background art, let’s explore the invention itself, which is:
A method for inserting
Read more…
December 4th, 2011 
Have a dog? How’s he feeling? If he’s down in the dumps, maybe he’d enjoy a nice outdoor session chasing a Frisbee Flexible Flying Disc for Dogs.
But don’t expect it to change his mood completely by making the common consumer mistake that a plastic disc is a therapeutic device. As the manufacturer cautions across the top in all capital letters:
THIS IS A DOG TOY … IT IS NOT A THERAPEUTIC DEVICE
Lower down it warns:
DO NOT THROW IT DIRECTLY AT YOUR DOG
Why? Because he’s like to experience feelings of rejection and anxiety and require therapy, but as they just told you,
Read more…
December 4th, 2011 
Rowenta felt the need to caution purchasers of its irons to:
Never iron clothes while they are being worn.
Sounds crazy, right? But when I asked my first-year law school class, filled with exceptionally intelligent people, if any of them had tried to iron clothes while wearing them, a lot of them nodded affirmatively.
December 4th, 2011 
Judge Carlin LOVED this guy.
A unanimous Strange Judicial Opinions Hall of Fame opinion is Cordas v. Peerless Transportation Co., penned in 1941 by Judge Carlin (no relation to George) of the New York City Court.
The defendant was a chauffeur and the victim of an armed car-jacking by a fleeing robber who threatened to blow the chauffeur’s brains out. In fright, the chauffeur slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the vehicle, which kept moving and hit the plaintiff pedestrian and her children (fortunately, injuries were slight).
The case stands for the unremarkable principle that under the basic negligence standard of reasonable care “under the
Read more…
December 4th, 2011 
Silly Putty! What a great product. It’s may be the most successful product ever invented that lacks virtually any social utility. True, you can bend it around and pick up newsprint on it, but is it actually useful for anything?
Hey, I know, how about using it for ear plugs?
Nope, that’s no good. The packaging warns:
Not intended for use as ear plugs.
December 4th, 2011 
This warning for a Slinky is mildly amusing because Slinkys just don’t seem very dangerous, but it’s the instructions that crack me up.
First, the warning:
CAUTION: Do not use in moving vehicle. Do not throw coils out any window. Keep Slinky away from face and eyes.
Now the instructions, and pay attention because they are complicated:
TO BOUNCE SLINKY UP AND DOWN: Hold a few coils tightly in one hand, allowing rest of Slinky to hang down. Now in a bouncing motion, move hand slowly up and down.
So that’s how you do it. I never could figure that out. I was always holding
Read more…
December 4th, 2011 
Here’s a nice wood library ladder from the Eddie Bauer Home website. It appears to be a high quality ladder, as long as you remember that it is:
Not for use as a ladder
December 4th, 2011 
This is my favorite wacky warning of all time. Usually, if you ponder a warning, you can figure out why it’s there, even seemingly ridiculous warnings. So, for example, a warning on a heavy-duty power drill to not use it as a dental drill is probably there because some wayward consumer actually attempted to use it that way.
But I’ve never been able to conceive of a reason–even an unreasonable fear of lawsuits-based reason–why this manufacturer of home carbon monoxide detectors felt compelled to warn purchasers that the product is not a substitute for life insurance. If you have any
Read more…
December 4th, 2011 
Shoot, I read this instruction on a new blender too late:
DO NOT expect your Blender to replace all of your kitchen appliances.
I had already put my stove, microwave, dishwasher and fridge on Craigslist before I saw it.
December 1st, 2011 
Don’t jump in front of the train. On second thought, just do it.
A funny juxtaposition of a warning in a Hong Kong subway, directly above a Nike ad.
The translated warning at the top says (yellow highlighting):
DANGER! JUMPING INTO THE TUNNEL IS FORBIDDEN
The Nike ad below suggests one reconsider.
December 1st, 2011 
Here are the warnings from a dust-mist-fumes respirator mask from a home improvement store. It’s a good product, but just be aware that:
This respirator does not supply oxygen.
and
Use only in atmospheres with adequate oxygen to sustain human life.
Another close call, saved by a product warning. Do not bother packing this mask for your upcoming trip through the solar system.
December 1st, 2011 
(All photos are expandable thumbnails.)
Here’s a warning for a power drill, the kind you buy at Home Depot for the purpose of making holes in wood, metal and concrete.
But read up before using, people, because:
This product is not intended for use as a dental drill or in medical applications.
That last part threw me because I have this pain in my side and also this really nice 18-volt hammer drill. I was thinking, why not see what’s going on it there? I’m glad I read the warning first.
Most people enjoy this warning for the seemingly silly dental drill caution, but I also like
Read more…
December 1st, 2011 
In my Products Liability course, we have “Stupid Warning Day,” where each student is required to bring in an unusual warning label. When I was teaching at a law school in San Francisco, a student brought in this warning for a set of “Lock Up Your Lover Furry Handcuffs.”
It’s actually a pretty good warning though:
WARNING: Place an extra key in a safe place to avoid unnecessary discomfort, embarrassment and any need to call a locksmith or a police officer.
December 1st, 2011 
… 50 yards from a preschool.
University of Memphis law student Leighann Ness sent this picture of a water-filled hole a stone’s throw away from the Nashville preschool attended by her daughter.
Meanwhile, while awaiting corrective action, we can all rest easy that this ribbon of yellow tape will effectively protect nearby toddlers and others.
Leighann reported that her non-lawyer husband is the one who actually spotted the problem. As I always say, Spot the Tort is a game for the whole family.
December 1st, 2011 
Sounds like a warning one might expect to find on one of the Weasley twins’ products in the Harry Potter franchise, but this disclaimer on a pack of incense comes from the Muggle world.
First, the incense promises a magical world of mystic knowledge and ecstasy, but the small print at the bottom takes it all back:
Sold as curio only, no magical effects are guaranteed.
To which they might want to add:
If you’re experiencing magical effects, it’s probably not from the incense, but from that other product you’re using the incense to cover up.
Read more…
November 30th, 2011 McClurg’s popular legal humor column, Harmless Error: A Truly Minority View on the Law, ran monthly on the Obiter Dicta page of the American Bar Association Journal, the official magazine of the American legal profession, from September 1997 to December 2001 for a total of fifty columns. Browse all Harmless Error columns.
Harmless Error tackled a wide variety of both pressing and purely ridiculous issues from a legal point of view most frequently described as “twisted.” Sampling of reader praise.
Harmless Error Highlights
• Historical retakes on classic cases such as Palsgraf v. Long Island R.R. Co. and Hadley v. Baxendale (Read more…
November 30th, 2011 
It appears this famous soccer player did not follow the patent instructions.
Apparently, it’s not as hard to get a patent as people think:
U.S. Patent 4,022,227 is a patent for a “Method of concealing partial baldness,” described more particularly in the abstract as “[a] method of styling hair to cover partial baldness using only the hair on a person’s head. The hair styling requires dividing a person’s hair into three sections and carefully folding one section over another.”
It even comes with diagrams:
Yep. It’s a valid U.S. patent for the dreaded “comb-over.” We’ve all witnessed the results of this amazing invention, which
Read more…
November 29th, 2011 
Not the patented dog waste catcher, but will work in a pinch.
Do have a dog? Do you like to take it for walks? Do you feel it’s your moral and social responsibility to clean up after it? Are you skilled at playing lacrosse?
If your answer is yes to all of the above, then the invention protected by U.S. Patent 7,090,268, Aug. 16, 2006, is the perfect dog-walking accessory for you.
As described in the patent application, the invention is “a simple portable device which allows the dog’s owner to catch and hold the dog waste in a plastic bag before it comes in contact with
Read more…
November 29th, 2011 
That’s apparently what the inventors of the “non-lethal gamecock sparring match” and equipment are trying to sell. And they got a patent for it: U.S. Patent 6,928,960, Aug. 16, 2005.
With this invention, each fighting bird is fitted with a protective vest carrying sensors that send a signal to an electronic scoreboard each time they are pecked or clawed. The talons of each gamecock are also “covered with a protective device,” and their beaks are “taped shut.” Sounds very comfortable.
The “background” of the invention explains it was designed to remedy a “cultural clash of values” pitting aficionados of gamecock fighting (which the inventors assert is an accepted and
Read more…
November 28th, 2011 
Special thanks to Senior Judge James Barlow, from San Antonio for all the classic stuff he has sent to Lawahah.com. Here’s a distinguished jurist who not only appreciates a good laugh, but possesses a lifetime collection of legal humor treasure. He’s sent along a lot of gems not available elsewhere. Here’s an interesting one:
Apparently because he was the only person in the family with a driver’s license, a man (a lawyer, apparently) was ordered by a Giles County, TN, chancery court to shuttle two kids of divorced parents back and forth during periods of visitation.
But the involuntary driver–“intervenor” in the pleading below–filed a petition to relieve him
Read more…
November 28th, 2011 Kentucky Judge Martin J. Sheehan was happier than a pig in … on second thought, we won’t try to imitate his unusual judicial writing style here. But he was darn happy that a case settled. How happy? Let’s hear it from him:
And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein
Read more…
November 28th, 2011 
Home of the Missouri Court of Appeals?
Ol’ Frank Zotter happened upon this little ol’ case and we reckon we’re mighty glad he did.
In State v. Knowles, the Missouri Court of Appeals, a good ol’ bunch of guys and gals from over in them parts, took up an appeal where the trial judge had tossed out a criminal information for receiving stolen property. Well, shucks, we’ll just let the court tell y’all about it:
Old Dave Baird, the prosecuting attorney up in Nodaway Count, thought he had a case against Les Knowles for receiving stolen property, to-wit, a chain saw, so he up and
Read more…
November 28th, 2011 
Spouses now have to resort to old-fashioned eavesdropping in Alabama.
Think of all the reasons people choose to live in different locales: job opportunities, climate, family ties, economic conditions, the ability to wiretap one’s spouse …
That last one might not have come readily to mind, but a U.S. Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals judge thinks it could play into some couples’ relocation decisions. Read on:
An Alabama woman sued her former husband under the federal wiretapping act for taping her phone conversations made from within the marital home. The trial court granted summary judgment to the husband on the basis of a 1974 Fifth Circuit case,
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 David Cheifetz, Lawhaha’s friend from the north, sent in this Canadian court opinion about the judicial pecking order. David wrote:
Here is the pithiest and funniest summary of “stare decisis” ever written. Judge Cardozo’s explanation in “The Nature of the Judicial Process” may be the best justification and explanation, but it doesn’t hold a candle to what you’re about to read for wit and succinctness. The below summary comes from a decision by a Master of the Queens Bench of Alberta, Canada. A Master is a judge in all but name whose role is deciding preliminary motions in civil matters. The Master involved, Master Funduk, is noted for his witty
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 
Nothing better than wholesome "fresh vegetables."
Great news for the diet-conscious. Frozen batter-dipped french fries are a “fresh vegetable” under the Perishable Agricultural Commodities Act, according to U.S. District Judge Richard Schell, Beaumont, Texas. And so are cheeseburgers!
Kidding about the cheeseburgers, but it’s true about the french fries. Although the court did not explicitly rule that french fries are fresh vegetables, that’s the legal effect of the opinion.
The ruling applies only to commerce, not nutrition, regulations, which focus on assuring buyers of agricultural commodities that they are getting what they paid for.
— Fleming Companies, Inc. v. U.S. Dep’t of Agriculture, 322 F.Supp.2d 744 (E.D.
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 
More appropriate publication vehicle than the Northeast Reporter?
A lawsuit brought by a woman who got a fishbone lodged in her throat while eating a bowl of fish chowder at a Boston restaurant moved the Massachusetts Supreme Court to write an opinion devoted more to the joys of New England fish recipes than actual law.
The legal dispute is an old one: To what extent is food containing a harmful ingredient a defective product when the substance is a natural one as opposed to a foreign one?
Most modern courts apply a reasonableness test that looks at whether the substance was one a consumer would reasonably expect
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 
U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts let loose his inner-Raymond Chandler.
It’s not often that members of the world’s most powerful judicial tribunal have fun with their opinion-writing, but now, following in the great tradition of hard-boiled crime writers like Raymond Chandler, Dashiell Hammett, and Ross MacDonald comes … U.S. Supreme Court Justice John Roberts? Yup.
In Pennsylvania v. Dunlap, a mundane drug case, Justice Roberts, dissenting from a denial of cert review, explored his inner Joe Friday. Here’s how his dissent started out:
North Philly, May 4, 2001. Officer Sean Devlin, Narcotics Strike Force, was working the morning shift. Undercover surveillance. The neighborhood?
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 You know a judicial document is going to be a great read when it is captioned:
Order Denying MAAF’s Motion to Preclude the French Phrase ”Quel Jeu Doit-on Jouer Vis-à-vis des Autorités de Californie?” From Being Translated as “What Game Must We Play With the California Authorities?”
This opinion from U.S. District Judge A. Howard Matz (C.D. Cal.) stemmed from the judge’s frustration in overseeing a series of over-litigated lawsuits arising from the collapse of a California insurance company. The motion giving rise to the order, after all, was the twentieth motion in limine the judge had addressed in recent days.
Judge Matz seemed irritated that “some of
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 State v. Terrazas, a 1999 case out of the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, turned on the meaning of a statement made by a state investigator to a defendant that led to the defendant confessing. The issue reminded dissenting Judge Price of a legal brainteaser from the movie Let Him Have It based on the controversial true story of a young man who was hanged for murder in 1953. Here’s Judge Price’s footnote on the matter (paragraph breaks inserted):
1. This issue calls to mind the film “Let Him Have it” which was based on the famous Derek Bentley Confession case in post-WWII England.
Two
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 
When one is not enough.
Wait. That’s not right. It’s Judge Jacob Hart of the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. Can’t be too careful about those typos. Just ask the plaintiff’s lawyer in Devore v. City of Philadelphia.
Judge Hart reduced his attorney’s fee award by $60,000 based on the poor quality of his written work, which, according to the judge, was “careless to the point of disrespectful.” The defendants described it even less charitably, as “vague, ambiguous, unintelligible, verbose and repetitive.” And those were the things they liked about it. Kidding.
The court noted that throughout the litigation, counsel identified the court as: “THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 Tax law is not known for its literary prose, but a U.S. Tax Court judge, in a case involving some challenged business deductions by a theater professor aiming to be a playwright, explained that tax law actually has a long literary history (interesting footnotes omitted):
It is a truth little remarked on by scholars that tax law has been a fount of literature for 5,000 years. The oldest literary work still extant–the Epic of Gilgamesh–is a long narrative of a friendship begun during a protest against government exactions. In more recent times, some of our language’s most notable authors have used fiction to delve into tax policy: consider
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 –From Jerry E. Stephens, University of Kansas School of Law, Date of event: Spring 1975
I had labor law at the University of Kansas under Professor Ray Goetz in the mid 1970s. Goetz was a truly outstanding teacher. He was able to refer to some momentous labor arbitration—particularly involving major league baseball—to spice up his lectures. But Ray Goetz could also be intimidating, particularly when he would look over the top of his reading glasses at students giving inane answers and comments.
He did have one redeeming virtue: he would call students for class recitation in classroom seating order. That gave students a rough estimate of the likelihood of being
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 
U.S. District Judge James C. Paine – A totally awesome dude.
[U.S. District Judge James C. Paine, Southern District of Florida, passed away in 2010 after 28 years of distinguished service on the federal bench.]
In a 1992 case, U.S. District Judge James Paine (or maybe a law clerk) took pains to spice up an order rejecting federal removal jurisdiction by managing to work in several references from the movie “Wayne’s World.”
These include subheadings like “Hurling Chunks” and “NOT!”, and the observation that the attempted removal of the case from state to federal court “is untimely and is a defect deemed ‘way’ improvident.”
He concluded his
Read more…
November 27th, 2011 The Federal Rules of Civil Procedure permit any electronic document to be e-filed until midnight on the due date. Microsoft electronically filed a motion for summary judgment 4 minutes and 27 seconds late on the night of June 26, 2003.
Microsoft’s adversary in the litigation, Hyperphase Technologies, Inc., incensed by this grievous rule breach, filed a motion to strike the motion for summary judgment as untimely.
U.S. Magistrate Stephen L. Crocker, clearly annoyed, blessed us with this sarcastic order:
In a scandalous affront to this court’s deadlines, Microsoft did not file its summary judgment motion until 12:04:27 a.m. … I don’t know this personally because I was home
Read more…
November 26th, 2011 U.S. Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit reversed a district judge in Pennsylvania, finding impropriety in the fact that the judge’s opinion dismissing plaintiff’s claims was “nearly identical” to a proposed order and opinion submitted by defendants’ lawyers.
The court had previously expressed its disapproval of trial courts adopting proposed “findings of fact and conclusions of law” submitted by the prevailing parties in litigation, although it said that such copying would not be ground for reversal unless the findings were clearly erroneous. This situation was different, according to the court, because it involved an “opinion”:
Here, however, we are not dealing with findings of fact. Instead, we
Read more…
November 26th, 2011 Or maybe not. A pro se litigant filed a Notice of Appeal in the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Washington stating:
I hereby am informing you that I am appealing the a****** Ronald B. Leighton’s decision in this matter.
You have been hereby served notice. You’re not getting away with this s*** that easy.
Signed this 10th day of July 2006
George C. Swinger, Jr.
Plaintiff/Pro Se
— Swinger v. Cole, Case No. 3:04-CV-05348-RBL (W.D. Wash. July 12, 2006). Thanks to Scott Cole.
November 26th, 2011 Legalese embraces redundancy. Legalese embraces redundancy. Legalese … sorry, just getting in the spirit. In a convoluted dispute regarding a real estate conveyance, Judge Mark P. Painter, Ohio Court of Appeals, First District, offered his common sense take on the phrase “free and clear title” and other legal redundancies:
Free and clear mean the same thing. Using both is an unnecessary lawyerism. Free is English; clear is from the French clere. After the Norman Conquest, English courts were held in French. The Normans were originally Vikings, but after they conquered the region of Normandy, they became French; then they took over England. But most people in England, surprisingly
Read more…
November 26th, 2011 
Dangerous product?
A large guy (280-90 pounds) ironically won a one-week trip to Hawaii as a reward for selling more than $20,000 in diet products. But in a lawsuit against Hanes, the underwear maker, he alleged his “dream trip” went awry due to allegedly defective briefs which “gaped open and acted like a sand belt on my privates,” causing injury.
We’ll let the court elaborate on this interesting products liability case:
Plaintiff testified that by the second day in Hawaii he was in debilitating pain. However, … he ignored the pain until he returned to Pensacola two weeks later. He explained he was able to
Read more…
November 26th, 2011 Thanks to Oregon Circuit Judge G. Philip Arnold for sending us Franklin v. Oregon. The opinion details the plight of Oregon federal district Judge James M. Burns and a unique prison inmate named Harry Franklin back in 1983. Their longterm relationship was on the rocks when Burns penned these opening words:
This is another chapter in the Harry Franklin saga. No longer am I tempted to call it the final chapter, as desirable as that would be to me. I mention mournfully that only the finality of death—his or mine—would enable the other of us to use the term “final” in that way. And, of course, if mine
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 The Rule in Murray’s Case. The Rule in Rolanda’s Case. Who remembers those? Probably just Murray and Rolanda, their lawyers and a few close friends. But everyone remembers the Rule in Shelley’s Case. This is because the rule is vitally important to every lawyer until five minutes after completing the bar exam.
Who was Shelley and what made her so special?
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Warranty law has always been fraught with pitfalls for the unwary lawyer. Drafting warranties for modern consumers presents special problems because of their higher expectations. Follow these tips and sample warranty provisions to avoid legal tangles:
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 The “mailbox rule” is an elementary principle of contract law which holds that a contract acceptance is valid upon dispatch in the United States mail.
Some assert that the conveniences of modern technology may soon render the mailbox rule obsolete. For example, already under the emerging “cell phone rule” a contract may be offered, accepted, breached and the offeror verbally abused without ever having to leave one’s car.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Many years ago, on a hot desert night near Roswell, New Mexico, a world-altering event occurred. Four superior beings from a far away place came together and forever changed the fate of millions of innocent lawyers.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Children have an almost instinctive sense of the law. This no doubt derives from their pervasive experience with the adversarial system, which begins at birth.
By the time she is able to walk, the average child has been enjoined more than 200,000 times. Every movement, every reflex, every instinct is met with injunction: “No! Don’t bite. Don’t touch. No! No! Don’t hit. Don’t pull. Spit that out. No!” Not surprisingly, children develop excellent legal problem solving skills, from which lawyers can learn.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Some readers have e-mailed suggesting that the Rule Against Perpetuities would be a natural fit for this column. Of course, they’re absolutely right. Other than the Bluebook, there is perhaps nothing more intrinsically funny in all of law.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 It’s tax time. Last week I went to collect the forms I’ll need. When I was returning the U-Haul, I ran into a bunch of other taxpayers returning their U-Hauls. We were all stressed out about the mountain of paperwork looming ahead. This is no surprise. Surveys show tax season makes Americans depressed and trees downright suicidal.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Some people believe the animal rights movement is of recent origin, but the “one free bite” rule of tort law, which has long granted every dog the inalienable right to sink his teeth into human flesh at least once, proves this is not so.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 My colleague recently received a mail offer to purchase an amazing new book called The Someone Cares Encyclopedia of Letter Writing. This real book contains “over 525 thoughtful letters . . . for every conceivable occasion already written for you.” The “heartfelt” form letters cover everything from complaining about your kid’s soccer coach to offering sympathy for an “unnamed tragedy.”
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Lawyers think law professors have it easy, but teaching today’s students demands a wide range of skills: juggling, magic tricks and preferably a decent animal act. This generation has been force-fed flash and sizzle entertainment since birth. Videogames, MTV, action flicks, sitcoms, web sites … their entire lives are one huge neural stimulus.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 With all the fuss over law school rankings, the question arises as to exactly what causes a school to get highly ranked. Experts have identified two principal factors: 1. Being Harvard. 2. Having a really good catalog.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Suzy Spikes is joining a soccer team and the insurance industry is jittery. Suzy is my daughter’s litigious, histrionic and some might say irretrievably delinquent 11-year-old pal. You might recall the last time we checked in on her she was vigorously appealing her home detention for unlawful insertion of a Monopoly game piece into a neighbor’s nasal cavity…
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Ever notice how the Supreme Court can’t seem to agree on much? The court’s modern opinions are often a maze of fractured voting.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 As you might recall from law school, modern property law developed out of the Norman Conquest in 1066 A.D. What you might not know is that the whole mess started because the king of England refused to return William of Normandy’s security deposit on a castle he rented.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Under modern law, if an animal causes harm, the owner is held responsible. But it hasn’t always been that way. Under old European codes, the animals themselves were put on trial. They even had counsel appointed to represent them. No joke.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Labor law has been getting a lot of press lately as the professional basketball strike—the “NBA lockout” as it’s known—grinds on. Some lawyers, those with way too much time on their hands, are anxious to know why the strike hasn’t been resolved. Here are the most-asked legal questions:
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Gun control is becoming an issue of increasing prominence in educational circles. In higher education, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is surveys show college students are more affluent than persons who don’t go to college. The bad news is this enables them to purchase top-of-the-line firepower that can pierce the body armor worn by most professors.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 As lawyers know better than anyone, every story has two sides. This can be frustrating when one is searching for the truth.
What should you do when two witnesses tell such completely opposite stories you can hardly believe they’re describing the same event?
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Millions have read Jonathan Harr’s bestseller, A Civil Action, the true tale of a labyrinthine toxic tort suit in Massachusetts that ground on for six years. Amazingly, Harr condensed 196 volumes of depositions, 78 days of trial testimony and 57 volumes of hearing transcripts into a taut legal thriller.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 With complaints against airlines up 26 percent last year, Northwest picked a bad time to trap passengers in their seats for up to 11 hours during a January storm.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 Some people blamed Yoko Ono for the Beatles’ breakup, but now comes the discovery that the demise of the Fab Four was rooted in a bizarre artistic dispute over the recording of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 As sports fans look forward to another season of exciting NFL football, the slow process of coming to contract terms with this year’s draft picks continues. Why does it take so long to sign players to contract? These sports law insights help explain it:
Read more…
November 25th, 2011 According to Kimm Walton’s popular book, Guerrilla Tactics For Getting the Legal Job of Your Dreams, when legal interviewers ask tough questions like “What’s your greatest weakness?” it’s not so much because they want to know the answer as to test your ability to handle pressure.
Read more…
|
Funny Law School Stories
For all its terror and tedium, law school can be a hilarious place. Everyone has a funny law school story. What’s your story?
|
Product Warning Labels
A variety of warning labels, some good, some silly and some just really odd. If you come encounter a funny or interesting product warning label, please send it along.
|
Tortland
Tortland collects interesting tort cases, warning labels, and photos of potential torts. Raise risk awareness. Play "Spot the Tort." |
Weird Patents
Think it’s really hard to get a patent? Think again.
|
Legal Oddities
From the simply curious to the downright bizarre, a collection of amusing law-related artifacts.
|
Spot the Tort
Have fun and make the world a safer place. Send in pictures of dangerous conditions you stumble upon (figuratively only, we hope) out there in Tortland.
|
Legal Education
Collecting any and all amusing tidbits related to legal education.
|
Harmless Error
McClurg's twisted legal humor column ran for more than four years
in the American Bar Association Journal.
|
|
|
