“We live in a hideously unjust society where the only thing anyone cares about is oppressing precious, innocent children.” — Suzanne Marie Spikes
So proclaimed 11-year-old Suzy Spikes immediately before her parents imposed sentence in Spikes v. Spikes, Case No. 1,094,908, in which Suzy was charged with 48 counts of Bad Attitude with Intent to Act Like a Teenager. Just another day in the life of poor Suzy Spikes.
Check out Suzy’s world by clicking on the links below (or just scroll down). Make sure you’re well-insured and keep your lawyer’s number handy:
Sentencing Suzy ★ ★ ★ ★ (1998 Drama) Litigious adolescent defends herself against battery charges involving misplaced Monopoly game piece.
Suzy Assumes the Risk ★ ★ ★ ★ (1998 Action) Litigious adolescent engages in hijinks on the soccer field while coaches seek to avoid tort liability.
Suzy’s Re-dress ★ ★ ★ ★ (1999 Noir) Litigious adolescent crusades against school dress code on behalf of garment-oppressed youth.
Suzy’s Breach ★ ★ ★ ★ (2000 Comedy) Litigious adolescent fights for free speech against media conglomerate bent on making her pay for magazine subscription.
Suzy’s Soulmate ★ ★ ★ ★ (2001 Romance) Litigious adolescent struggles to find love, only to lose it over a contract dispute.
Suzy Spikes appeared in five Harmless Error columns, all of which found her using the law to fight for childhood freedom from tyranny wherever it raised its ugly head, which basically was anywhere Suzy went. Suzy, modeled after my own strong-willed daughter, was the ultimate champion of children’s rights, especially her own.
A sitcom pitch for the “The Legal Life of Suzy Spikes” impressed a certain well-known executive producer of a popular cable network devoted to the younger set, but did not materialize. Perhaps the fear of Suzy coming to life and suing everyone for misappropriating her celebrity right of publicity scared off the honchos. (Note to entertainment execs: Multimillion dollar television and movie deals can be easily negotiated on Lawhaha.com simply by using the Contact link found at the top of every page.)