lawhaha.com

Warning: Pictorial Warning Puzzle

Andrew J. McClurg — Sun, 13 May 2012 20:01:30 +0000

The goal in crafting a pictorial product warning is to come up with a picture that can be universally understood, even by people who speak different languages or are illiterate. But it’s darned difficult to capture most warnings in the form of a simple drawing.

Case in point: this warning on a 3M paint-fumes mask. You’ve seen or used these before. They are paper masks held to one’s face with rubber bands that go behind the head.

But what is this pictorial warning trying to say? The accompanying text helps, but, again, the whole idea of pictorial warnings is that they are supposed to be understandable even

Spot the Tort: When Walkin’ in Memphis, Keep Feet 10 Feet Off of Beale

Andrew J. McClurg — Fri, 11 May 2012 20:50:26 +0000

When Marc Cohn sang, “Walkin’ in Memphis, walkin’ with my feet ten feet off of Beale,” he may have been giving risk avoidance advice.

Good old Memphis, streets and sidewalks tort mecca of America.

These photos were taken a couple blocks from Beale in downtown Memphis on my way to lunch from the law school.

Walk a hundred steps, spot a tort. Walk another hundred steps, spot a tort. And so on and so on.

This is one reason I love living here. It is so easy to play Spot the Tort!

Intellectual Property Parody: Don’t Copy My Parental Nagging!

Andrew J. McClurg — Fri, 04 May 2012 19:20:28 +0000

Thanks to Professor Laura Heymann, College of William & Mary-Marshall-Wythe School of Law, for sending along her funny parody of intellectual property law in the form of a cease and desist letter sent from one neighbor to another complaining about infringement of the offended neighbor’s parenting directive to “Eat your frisee salad.”

Laura’s satirization of overly aggressive assertions of intellectual property rights–all too common these days–brought back memories of my Harmless Error column in the ABA Journal, The© Controversy, in which the heirs of a Homo erectus Peking Man cave dweller sought to compel me to cease and desist in using

Spot the Tort: Suspect Steps Make for Treacherous Dining

Andrew J. McClurg — Fri, 04 May 2012 18:42:18 +0000

A student snapped this photo of a food vending truck in Memphis, where a customer is perched precariously on some portable steps placing an order. The steps should be both longer and wider for stability and to avoid missteps and missed steps. On the other hand, give the vendor credit for the safety cones.

Handwritten Divorce Petition Shows Fine Line Between Love and Hate

Andrew J. McClurg — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 20:26:39 +0000

A judge friend sent me this handwritten Texas divorce petition, apparently filed back in 1985 by a Texas lawyer proceeding pro se. It’s one of those hand-scrawled pleadings that, at first blush, looks like it was written by an inmate or perhaps a crazy person; however, closer examination shows the writing to be quite clever and amusing in places. And the drawings are priceless.

The petitioner seems uncertain of where his heart lies, as he alternates between insulting the wife and telling the court how much he loves her.

Read the original to appreciate it, but here are some re-typed uncorrected highlights (the respondent’s name and petitioner’s address

Warning: Don’t Use iTunes Software to Run Your Nuclear Facility

Andrew J. McClurg — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 16:08:16 +0000

iTunes software is good stuff for downloading the latest crappola that the recording industry is outputting (editorial comment courtesy of a music lover still stuck in the 60s and 70s), but just remember that iTunes software is:

[N]ot intended for use in the operation of nuclear facilities, aircraft navigation or communication systems, air traffic control systems, life support machines or other equipment in which the failure of the Apple software system could lead to death, personal injury, or severe physical or environmental damage.

Warning: Don’t Put Anything in the Toilet You Haven’t Eaten

Andrew J. McClurg — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 17:24:05 +0000

Here’s an interesting warning, from a former student at Florida International University College of Law. The warning is on the outside of a toilet compartment on a recreational boat. I think I know what it means, but surely they could have worded it better.

Tomatos are Vegetables as a Matter of Law, So Says the U.S. Supreme Court

Andrew J. McClurg — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 19:28:31 +0000

The next time someone raises the age-old debate as to whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable, show off your legal acuity (or nerdiness) by informing them you have it on good authority that tomatos are vegetables. No, in fact, make that great authority. Who? The U.S. Supreme Court. More than 100 years ago, in Nix v. Hedden, Justice Horace Gray, speaking on behalf of a unanimous Supreme Court, ruled that a tomato is a vegetable as a matter of law.

Judge’s Ex Parte Conversation with a Talking Cat

Andrew J. McClurg — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 20:11:29 +0000

"Excuse me, I'd like to have a few words with you about the litter box issue."

Miles v. City Council of Augusta, GA—starring “Blackie the Talking Cat”—is our kind of case: completely WEIRD, so weird that it qualifies for Lawhaha.com’s Strange Judicial Opinions Hall of Fame.

The plaintiffs, Carl and Elaine Mills, were an unemployed, married couple who owned Blackie, a cat who could allegedly speak English. The plaintiffs were entrepreneurs in the true American mold, making their entire living marketing Blackie’s unique vocal abilities to the public. Although the closest Blackie ever came to making the big time was a

“Hello, My Name Is … Oh, Never Mind”

Andrew J. McClurg — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 20:34:27 +0000

A pro se litigant in Arkansas appealed a trial court decision granting custody of her child to the biological father and ordering that the child’s birth name be changed. The trial court granted the custody change and ordered the child’s name be changed to “Samuel Charles.” Not a bad name, but why order a change? Personally, I liked the original name: “Weather’By Dot Com Chanel Fourcast.”

For making us laugh out loud, this order gets into the Strange Judicial Opinions Hall of Fame.

Here’s the colloquy in which the perplexed trial judge asked the mother to explain the child’s

Warning: Go to Walmart for the Perfect Date

Andrew J. McClurg — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 21:23:31 +0000

Law student and boyfriend holding hands on romantic date night reading product warning labels at Walmart.

Covering products liability in Torts and made a point of explaining what utter fun reading product warning labels can be, saying:

“In fact, if you’re looking for a really great night out, take your date to Walmart. Hold hands and spend the evening strolling the aisles reading product warning labels. It’s a guaranteed good time!”

One student and her boyfriend took me up on the idea. She sent along this great PowerPoint presentation of their romantic Walmart Product Warning Label Date.

Facebook Friend Suggestion Results in Bigamy Charges

Andrew J. McClurg — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 21:56:21 +0000

Facebook’s computer algorithms do an amazing–if scary–job of connecting the dots by ferreting out people relevant to one’s life and recommending them as friends. A Washington man and his wife, er, wives, recently learned there are no degrees of separation in a Facebook-dominated world.

The man’s current wife found out he was still married to someone else when she clicked on a Facebook friend suggestion and saw a picture of her husband at his wedding to her new potential Facebook buddy. This led to felony bigamy charges against the husband. Wild stuff.

Justia has the story.

Spot the Tort: Florida Law Firm Plays It

Andrew J. McClurg — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 18:48:43 +0000

Dang, should have trademarked, “Spot the Tort,” the family friendly game of risk reduction. A former student at the Florida International University College of Law sent along this amusing law firm advertisement. (Click to expand.)

Warning: Waive Your Legal Rights to Enjoy This Hot Sauce

Andrew J. McClurg — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 22:49:20 +0000

What kind of a consumer would voluntarily ingest a hot sauce so dangerous they must first sign a disclaimer/waiver acknowledging ”serious injury can be caused if applied to skin, eyes or and exposed body parts,” and waiving their legal rights in the event of injury, while also certifying they are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time of signing? (Click on thumbnail to expand.)

Answer: The only answers coming readily to mind are an unreasonable consumer or one with an asbestos-lined stomach. If this product–a hot sauce manufactured by a burrito company and called, among other names, Smack My Ass and Call Me Sally–is dangerous enough to require a disclaimer

French Artist Specializes in Humorous Legal Paintings

Andrew J. McClurg — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 20:09:18 +0000

Thanks to French artist, Cassou, for introducing herself to Lawhaha.com and sending along a sample of one of her paintings.

She said the world of justice inspired her to “create a judicial series of humorous paintings with tender irony” that she exhibits in courthouses throughout Europe, including, recently, in Antwerp, Bruges, Ghent, Breda, Middelburg, and Maastricht. This year her work will be displayed at courthouses of The Hague and in Amsterdam.

The pictured painting is called “le juge, un singe?” (the judge, a monkey?). She explains it this way: “The ape has the reputation of being a caricature of human being, a buffoon. The